The last few days have been way more busy and stressful than I had anticipated. I made the mistake of letting my mental guard down when i realized we had a week without class, and i failed to consider the fact that in that time we have to decide on an independent project, write a proposal for it, study for our exam, go to spanish class (3.5 hours monday and tuesday), study for spanish, pack up and move to homestays, and catch up with everyone back home.
Saturday was a much needed day of relaxation. I went to a bar with Isa and Jacob and we watched the Barcelona game and went out to some bars that night. But sunday brought the realization of how much we have to do in the next month, let alone the next week. Sunday we were supposed to meet with one of our professors to talk about our independent projects. I knew exactly what i was going to do and who i needed to talk to and i was second on the list. Then after talking to Anjali (my prof) for a while, we realized that I can't do my intended project because of the location of my homestay. So then I had to sign up to talk to Pablo. Which I had to wait ALL day to do. However, once i finally talked to him i determined a new project evaluating trends of habitat shifting in butterfly species because of climate change. But i still needed to talk to Alan (my other prof), which i didn't get to do till this morning. My talk with Alan quickly came to the point that I wasn't going to do this project either. Now, more than 24 hours after the initial meeting with Anjali, and with only 48 hours to finish my proposal, I was back to square... zero. but this point i was getting really frustrated because i could not think of a single thing that i wanted to study. everything was either not really doable with the resources at our disposal or just not interesting to me. finally after a few near-meltdowns, Alan and I decided that I can do my original project idea only slightly modified to the location of my homestay. so I am going to collect plant saplings and determine if they grew from plant fragments or seeds. then i am going to look at the ratios of all of the species i find and determine if there are any trends based on plant growth form, pollination and dispersal methods, and whatever else i can come up with. Though at this point i was also frustrated that I hadn't just started writing my proposal about this project in the first place. So here I am, and i still haven't started my proposal. I did however spend three and a half hours in spanish class with my brain turned off. I wasn't even day dreaming or letting my mind wander. there actually seemed to be not a single thing going on in there. I'm very used to having a hard time concentrating because my mind is going in a hundred different directions, but today was different. I think i just sat there the whole time with a blank look on my face, and every time it was my turn to answer a question or something I had no idea what was going on (and it's not just because i'm bad at spanish).
On a different note, I started reading my book last night, finally. I suddenly am finding myself wanting to do nothing but read my book. this should come as a shock to you. I'm generally way too hyper and distractible and unfocused to read a book, but lately it's like i need something semi-concrete that i can just let my brain focus on for a while. My brain is so fried from learning species and trying to memorize every detail about every living thing that crosses my path. there has been way too much intake and shuffling of information going on up there. I feel like my head is a filing cabinet that got hundreds of papers just thrown into it, and it's up to me to go through them all and organize them and file them in some strategic manner, and I just want to let it shut down for a while. but if i let myself veg for a while i feel like i can't even form my usual random and wandering thoughts. It's like i need a book or something that my brain can simply take in and chew on for a minute.
anyway, i must now start that proposal.
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